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As we veer around shopping mall corners we make all sorts of jokes about Vanessa and how uptight she is and how she is picky about what she wears and eats. Joanne, even snorts ironically, as she tells me how the girls in high school called Vanessa piggy because her nose stuck up a bit. Finally we pass Victorias secret and I stare awkwardly at the shop. Joanne says, I know! grabs my hand and pulls me in. Its late and the store is a few hours from closing but there are a substantial number of women browsing. Joanne picks up some lingerie and says, What about this? Or this? as she pulls them up to her figure as if she was going to be the one wearing them. We pick some blue satin lingerie and we exit the shop. On the way to Joanne car, I grab her hand as we approach with angst and sexual bravado and pull her close. I let her feel the force of my cock ripening through my pants and into her through her blue jeans. Her sweater guards her luscious bubbly massive tits. My mouth is watering. Taking the two steps towards me, she bent down and kissed me softly. I was ready for the stubble this time. I put my arms around her neck and held on as I returned the kiss with interest. Our lips locked and we lost ourselves in the twilight between affection and foreplay.We broke off eventually. "Is that what you meant?" Well, it's a start."* * *Looking back on it now, it seems strange that I'd never had sex as a woman until that night. When the idea that my gender had changed had first sunk in, all those years ago, the novelty of it all carried an almost illicit thrill. The problem was that once I was out of the hospital and trying to slip back into my life that everything had started feeling terribly wrong. I tried masturbating, but orgasms were intermittent and largely elusive. I simply couldn't relax into enjoying it and I kept snapping back to the reality of fumbling with this alien anatomy. The idea of jumping into bed with a man appealed to me no more than.
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